The Anxiety of Slowing Down: Why You Can’t Rest Even When You Need To

Rest is more than just the absence of activity. It’s not simply sitting still, scrolling through your phone, or binge-watching a show while your mind races with unfinished tasks. True rest is about replenishment—mentally, physically, and emotionally. It’s the process of unwinding tension, allowing your nervous system to settle, and creating space for restoration.

Yet for many of us, slowing down doesn’t feel restorative, it feels unbearable. Even when exhaustion sets in, the moment we attempt to rest, discomfort creeps in. Our thoughts speed up, guilt sets in, and a subtle (or not-so-subtle) restlessness takes over. Instead of feeling refreshed, we end up more drained, frustrated, and disconnected from ourselves.

We may not realize it, but we can be fiercely loyal to every part of our being, even the parts that cause us harm. So why is rest so hard? And more importantly, how can we begin to truly rest without the weight of anxiety, guilt, or self-judgment? Let’s explore.

1. Rest Feels Unproductive—And That Feels Unsafe

For many of us, rest doesn’t feel like a relief, it feels like a threat. Somewhere along the way, we learned that slowing down means falling behind. That being still is laziness. That our worth is tangled up in what we produce, achieve, or offer to others.

This belief doesn’t just sit in our minds, it lives in our bodies. If we’ve spent years moving at a relentless pace, our nervous system has adapted to constant busyness as the baseline. Stillness then triggers unease. It’s as if our bodies don’t recognize rest as something safe, but as something unnatural—something to resist.

Instead of feeling replenished when we slow down, we might feel:

• Guilt: “I should be doing something useful.”
• Restlessness: “I need to check my emails, clean something, plan ahead…”
• Discomfort: “I don’t even know how to relax.”

If rest feels impossible, it’s not because you’re incapable of resting, it’s because your body and mind have been conditioned to see stillness as a risk.

What to do about it:

• Redefine Rest: Rest is not a reward for productivity. It is not earned. It is a basic human need, just like food and water.
• Start Small: If full rest feels too overwhelming, begin by incorporating micro-moments of pause. Breathing deeply for one minute, sitting in silence for a few seconds before switching tasks, or drinking tea without distractions. Teach your body that rest doesn’t mean danger.

2. We Fear What We Might Feel in Stillness

One of the hardest truths about rest? It creates space for what we’ve been avoiding. When we’re constantly busy, our distractions keep difficult emotions at bay. But the moment we slow down, all the unprocessed thoughts, grief, and anxieties rise to the surface.

If you find yourself avoiding rest, ask yourself: What am I afraid to feel?

For some, it’s unresolved sadness. For others, it’s the weight of unmet needs, loneliness, or a deep exhaustion that feels impossible to face. Busyness keeps these feelings at arm’s length, but avoidance doesn’t make them disappear, it only makes them louder in the stillness.

How to begin unlearning this:

• Create a Soft Landing for Your Emotions. If slowing down stirs up discomfort, try meeting it with kindness rather than avoidance. Journaling, gentle movement, or soft music can help ease you into rest.
• Remind Yourself That Feeling Is Not Failing. Emotions are not signs that something is wrong with you, they are signals that something in you wants to be seen.
• Build Tolerance for Stillness. Start with moments of intentional quiet, even if it’s just a few minutes of sitting with your thoughts before bed. With time, stillness will feel less like a confrontation and more like a homecoming.

3. Our Nervous System is Stuck in Survival Mode

When we’ve spent too much time in stress, our bodies adapt by staying on high alert. Even when external stressors ease, our nervous system remains wired for urgency. This is why, even on a rare day off, we find ourselves unable to relax, checking emails, thinking ahead, feeling vaguely guilty for resting when there’s still so much to do.

If you’ve ever felt exhausted but wired—too tired to keep going, but too restless to stop, you’re likely experiencing this exact cycle.

How to begin unlearning this:

• Engage in Gentle, Regulating Activities. If sitting still feels unbearable, try slow movement like stretching, mindful walking, or deep breathing. Movement helps signal to your nervous system that it is safe to unwind.
• Shift from High-Stimulation “Rest” to True Restoration. Scrolling, binge-watching, or mindless distractions often keep our nervous system activated. Instead, experiment with restful activities that soothe rather than overstimulate. Listening to calming sounds, engaging in creative expression, or simply lying down without distraction.
• Practice Transitioning from Busyness to Rest. Instead of expecting yourself to switch from full-speed to full-stop, create a transition ritual. Light a candle, change into softer clothes, or take a few slow breaths to signal to your body that rest is approaching.

How Chronic Overstimulation Keeps Us Stuck

🌿 We Mistake Stimulation for Energy
We often believe we’re “fine” because we’re still functioning. But what if it’s not real energy we’re feeling, just constant activation? The moment we try to slow down, the exhaustion we’ve been overriding catches up to us.

🌿 We Struggle With “Empty” Moments
Many of us have lost the ability to sit in silence without reaching for something to fill the space. Silence feels unfamiliar, so we avoid it by keeping busy, even if that “busyness” is just scrolling endlessly on our phones.

🌿 Rest Feels Like Withdrawal
Because we’ve trained our bodies and minds to operate at high speed, slowing down feels like withdrawal. The discomfort isn’t a sign that rest is wrong, it’s a sign that we’re adjusting to something healthier.

A Deep Exhaustion That Feels Impossible to Face

There’s a kind of exhaustion that goes beyond feeling tired. It’s not just needing more sleep or taking a weekend off, it’s bone-deep weariness, the kind that settles into your body and lingers no matter how much you try to push through.

This exhaustion isn’t just physical. It’s emotional. Mental. Even spiritual. It’s the weight of carrying too much for too long, the depletion that comes from constantly running on empty. And the hardest part? When you’re this exhausted, even resting can feel overwhelming.

Why Deep Exhaustion Feels Impossible to Rest From

🌿 You Don’t Know Where to Begin
When exhaustion is this deep, the idea of fixing it feels daunting. You know you need rest, but what kind? How much? What if it’s not enough? The uncertainty can make stillness feel more overwhelming than continuing to push forward.

🌿 Rest Feels Like Letting Go of Control
For many of us, staying busy feels safer than slowing down. When we stop, we have to face emotions we’ve been suppressing, thoughts we’ve been avoiding. Rest isn’t just about stopping, it’s about surrendering. And surrendering can feel terrifying when you’ve been holding everything together for so long.

🌿 Dreading the Pain That Comes With Facing Exhaustion

When we finally slow down, exhaustion doesn’t just disappear, it speaks. It surfaces in the form of aching muscles, a foggy mind, and emotions we’ve been pushing aside for too long. Sitting with our exhaustion means allowing it to talk to us, to tell us where it hurts, where we’ve been running on empty. And that’s scary. Sometimes, it feels easier to keep going than to acknowledge just how depleted we really are. But true rest requires us to listen—to stop numbing, to stop escaping, and to let ourselves feel what we’ve been avoiding.

How to Gently Reclaim Rest from Overstimulation

If you’ve ever sat down to relax, only to feel antsy and unsettled, you’re not alone. Your body and mind need time to learn how to rest again. Here’s how to start:

🌿 Ease Into Stillness Gradually
If full stillness feels unbearable, start with low-stimulation rest instead of no-stimulation rest. Try:

• Sitting with a warm cup of tea, simply feeling the heat in your hands.
• Watching the rain or the way sunlight moves through your window.
• Listening to instrumental music instead of scrolling on your phone.

These small moments of mindful rest help reintroduce slowness without overwhelming your nervous system.

🌿 Give Your Brain Gentle Off-Ramps
If you’ve been running at high speed, don’t expect yourself to stop on command. Instead, create a ritual that signals your brain to wind down:

• Dim the lights in the evening.
• Take slow, intentional breaths before bed.
• Replace the habit of reaching for your phone with a softer alternative, like flipping through a book or stretching for a few minutes.

How Can We Begin to Truly Rest—Without the Weight of Anxiety, Guilt, or Self-Judgment?

Rest is not just the absence of work. It’s the presence of ease. A soft place where our bodies, minds, and hearts can exhale. True rest is not just collapsing from exhaustion; it’s actively choosing restoration.

Here’s how we can begin cultivating real rest:

🌿 Give Yourself Permission to Unravel
When we’ve been holding everything together for too long, rest can bring emotions to the surface. Tears. Frustration. A deep sadness we didn’t realize we were carrying. Let it come. Let it move through you. Rest isn’t just about recovering energy, it’s about releasing what’s been weighing you down.

🌿 Remember: You Are Not Lazy, You Are Healing
Deep exhaustion is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you have given so much of yourself for so long that your body is asking—begging—for care. You are not failing by needing rest. You are honoring yourself by allowing it.

🌿 Create a New Definition of Rest
Instead of seeing rest as “doing nothing,” begin seeing it as “doing what nourishes me.” This might mean reading, stretching, listening to soft music, or sitting in quiet stillness.

🌿 Release the Guilt of Resting
Remind yourself: I do not have to earn rest. I am allowed to pause. I am allowed to simply exist without justifying it.

🌿 Engage in Restorative Practices That Feel Safe
If full stillness feels like too much, engage in active rest—restorative activities like slow movement, soft creativity, or gentle breathing. Let yourself ease into rest in a way that feels natural.

A Soft Return to Yourself

Rest is not something you have to earn. It is not proof of worthiness or a sign of failure. It is the quiet, necessary act of honoring yourself, of remembering that you are more than what you do, more than what you produce.

If slowing down feels unbearable, start small. Let stillness meet you where you are, in gentle moments that remind your body it is safe to pause. Sip your tea without distraction. Breathe a little deeper. Let the sun warm your skin.

There is no rush to unlearn the fear of rest. You can move at the pace of kindness, softening bit by bit, until rest feels less like surrender and more like a homecoming.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional; I am simply someone navigating this journey alongside you. Everything shared here comes from personal experience and what has helped me, but it’s not a replacement for professional support. If you’re struggling, please seek guidance from a qualified professional.

This space is never about diminishing anyone’s experience. Your feelings, struggles, and healing process are authentic and valid. I hope to offer mindset shifts and foster inclusion, and we transform daily overwhelm into moments of peace together.